Part 28: Episode XXVII: In the Name... of SCIENCE!

Episode XXVII: In the Name... OF SCIENCE!


Music: Memories of Dust (Quiet)



We’re just going to go ahead and pretend none of that happened... 2B Player Four...? Five...? I’m losing track. Anyway, you’re next up to bat. Try not to eat any strange seafood, alright?



If you’re wondering, any time we get a Bad Ending, the game just dumps us to the title screen and the world acts as if that never happened. So don’t worry about the continuity here. Never happened. Speaking with Jackass again will once more net us the deadly Mackerel, scourge of the androids’ digestive tract. This time, we’ll just sell that sucker for 500G. Thanks for the offer...

I’ve seen people be baffled as to how they progress here for Jackass’ quest as they kept eating the fish and dying. You... just don’t eat the fish, you damn idiot! The same fish you have to open the menu, which defaults to Quick Save the second you open it because you’re in a save zone, to tab over to the Item menu and manually eat said fish. There are a lot of trollish things in this game I won’t defend. You managing to not save for hours and get a bad ending eating that fish? That’s just entirely on you being a goddamn idiot! A huge fucking moron. You should be put in a registry that bars you from handling heavy machinery or procreating if that gag got you and you bitched about it on the internet. That’s something that should come up in a background check so I know to toss that resume in the garbage immediately due to extreme incompetence.

ANYWAY, beyond the aborted fish experiment, Jackass also has a proper sidequest if you don’t eat the mackerel like a moron again.



Listen, just ignore that guy. Selfish fool refuses to help me with my work. See, I’m doing a study on the excitement levels of androids while in battle. But I need to record combat data from the newest models in order to reach more steady conclusions. So whatcha think? Fun, right?

We can now agree to help Jackass or “carefully turn her down”. Well... she only killed 2B the one time and she did warn us and flip on the most ominous music possible. We’ll let that slide. Let’s help out!



Here. Follow me.



OK. This quest is fairly short but it does have some important information and rewards. Let’s follow Jackass up the ridge, shall we?



I need you to get combat data for him. Science will pay you back for this, I promise. Now... FIGHT!



Jackass’s Research is entirely a series of combat challenges that takes place in this little pit between the Desert Camp and the desert outskirts. We’ve got to jump into the pit with the machine in question before the challenge begins. All attacking is straight up disabled until we jump down. No cheating science here.


Music: Birth of a Wish (This Cannot Continue)





All we have to do is take out a single Medium Biped. It has about five levels on us. But that’s nothing for basic stock machines like that. Easily done! Now just to return to Jackass...



Hey, did you know that android battle fever is actually quite similar to the human emotion of “love”? So if we want to know what all those old human records are always going on about, all we need to do is let our fists fly! Makes this whole thing feel more romantic, don’t you think?
Hmm, I still don’t have enough data... I could use some more help.
<Give her a hand.>
That’s what I’m talkin’ about!



This quest has several stages to it and each one kindly gives out a modest reward. Let’s continue onward to the next stage...



Now it’s time to fight! In the name... OF SCIENCE!





Well, if science is demanding we don’t take any hits, who are we to argue? This time it’s three Medium Bipeds waiting to rumble. If 2B takes any damage here, Jackass will get pissed, set off the bombs she implanted in all the experiment test subject machines (she did that by the way) and we’ll be forced to try again from scratch. But keeping our distance and wearing down the machines, before going in for the kill, makes this a simple affair.

Back to Jackass...



Speaking of YoRHa goons, I’m a bit surprised you types are so... intellectual. I thought combat models would be a bit more dense. Less thinking, more killing and all that? Frankly, giving you any kind of intellect at all strikes me as pointless.
......



Err... Thanks? Really living up to that name, huh? So what’s next here...?

More data... I NEED MORE DATA! And YOU are going to help me, right? That’s a rhetorical question by the way.
<Give her a hand.>
Still haven’t had enough, eh? I like you! You’ve got GUTS! Metaphorically speaking, of course.



Now it’s time to fight! In the name... OF SCIENCE!





We’ve got a half dozen Stubbies and one Medium Biped, all sporting shields this go around and a thirty second time limit. This mission is almost entirely why we went and picked up Mirage last time we were in the Resistance Camp. Normally, this could be a trick proposition with just our default equipment. But charge up a Level 2 Mirage and let her rip in the middle of these jerks? Suddenly everyone is at 50% or below HP and all their shields are destroyed at once.



A few heavy swipes with our large sword will mop up the Stubby units and a few more seconds to wail on the Medium boy and this mission is over in short order. And hey, another level out of the deal. Spiffy!



Here, look at this. See this reaction? It proves that android brains contain an algorithm which allows them to derive pleasure from battle! Without that, we’d probably have stopped fighting a long time ago. What a brutally efficient piece of evolution! It’s possible this is based on an identical pleasure center in the human brain. Man, those fleshbags really were something!



We’re almost done here. One last round to go for this quest. What’s the score, Jackass?

I just need a teensy bit more data... You look like you’ve got nothing better to do, so give me a hand here!
<Agree to help Jackass.>
Excellent! You’re the best guinea pig a gal could ask for! This should be the last bit of data I need.



Now it’s time to fight! In the name... OF SCIENCE





So these are actually some new versions of previous enemies. Here we have three shielded Stubby units and three Medium Bipeds (one with a shield.) This go around, the shielded boys all have special electrified fields on their shields. Electricity is an element some machine lifeforms will have parts imbued with occasionally. We briefly saw it in play with those shitty worm enemies back in the City Ruins crater. In the case of shield sporting enemies, if 2B should so much as graze their shields she’ll take damage and thus fail this data collection session. Attacking the shields with melee can be a problem since it moves 2B towards them and too close and welp.





That’s why we can once again just charge up Mirage to Level 2 and nip that whole shield business in the bud instantly. Now it’s just a matter of dealing with six normal machines and that’s no big deal. Stubbies are already knocking on death’s door from Mirage and Medium Bipeds have the easiest telegraphed attacks in the game, so they can be punished accordingly.

Mirage is a REALLY GOOD Pod Program!


Music: Memories of Dust (Quiet)



The excitement we feel in battle is caused by a type of pleasure-generating chemical produced in our circuits! Anyway, I think I can localize this substance and turn it into a drug that will help expand our combat capabilities. All these advances, and it’s all thanks to YOU! ...See? I told you science was the best. Anyway, keep an eye out for that drug. Once I get it synthesized, it’s all yours.



Alright. We’re helping out. For science. And we got a sack full of G and some decent experience out of the deal. Not bad.



Occasionally, quests will require 2B to return at a later time to advance to the next stage. This always means we’ve got to travel to another zone to let the area reset and the quest shuffle to the next point.





In this case, taking a brief pit stop back at the Resistance Camp will do the job. As soon as we step out of the transporter, 2B receives a new email. Let’s take a look...



See! There you have it. If a quest seems to have stalled, just hop into the nearest transporter and pick an area away from the current one. It should do the trick. Quitting the game and reloading like Dark Souls will NOT work. Gotta change areas!



Back we go to Jackass at the Desert Camp. She’s once more returned under the tent with the resistance merchant. Let’s see what she’s cooked up...



I’ve already handed it out to a few folks, and man, is it ever popular. One taste and you’re hooked for life! And yeah, it sounds bad when I say it like that, but your YoRHa buddies don’t seem to mind. Sure, there are some side effects... Like a horrifying destabilizing effect on one’s psyche. But none of that should be a problem for combat-focused models like you. Anyway, the first round’s on me. Check it out and let me know what you think.



And so we gain our ultimate reward for this quest: 5,000 G, 500 EXP, and 5 E-Drugs. Yeah, OK... We accidentally helped Jackass create some kind of powerful android narcotic and that’s probably got to be frowned upon in YoRHa regulations somewhere... But, after all... It was for science. And 2B didn’t die this time. So we’re doing fine.



She was asking for the recipe, so I’m sure she’s cooked up a stash of her own.



And that concludes the “Jackass’s Research” sidequest. All in a day’s work! We should get back to the mission now. We’ve spent entirely too long dicking around on sidequests. But...



But well... Hmm... We did get a sample of these E-Drugs from Jackass. After all that effort, it seems like it would be a waste to not... at least try one. Ya know... for science...



I mean... what’s the worst that can happen? 2B already died to a mackerel earlier today. It’s not like it can go poorer than that. Here goes noth—


New Music: Memories of Dust (Chiptune)



































Music: Rays of Light (Quiet)



Ugh... Oh... That... that was a mistake... Uggh... What happened? Why is it so drafty...? Are... are we on a rooftop...?
2B, are you OK?!



Why is it so dark? Are my optics dama—9S... 9S... where are your...?



9S... Where are your pants?
You... umm... you sorta picked me up and tore them off screaming that ‘pants are prohibited’ before tearing off your umm... *looks away blushing*
...And that explains the draft. What... is this on my head...? Why... does it smell like oil and vomit?
Well, after that you ran off and tore off the first machine’s head you found and said you had to ‘gather intel for Command’ and well... I think you can guess where it ended up...
......



...And the boar?
Oh that... That you uppercut and mounted declaring you were ‘subjugating it for the Glory of Mankind.’
.....
How long was all this going on?
About two minutes, give or take. It took a while to catch up to you on the boar. I... didn't know boars could drift...
.....
Proposal: Purge all data on this incident from memory database and back-up drives before resetting state at nearest Access Point.



Agreed.
*nervous nod* Y-Yeah...



OK. E-Drugs might be a bad idea to take, kids. Don’t get hooked. But... Jackass did mention those two YoRHa members scouting the desert oil oasis had taken interest in her E-Drugs. We should PROBABLY check in on those two, right...?





Drug... More drug... Can’t stop fighting... So fuuuuun...
Analysis: Unusual unit behavior is directly correlated to the stimulating effects of the combat substance.
They’re abusing it. Or maybe their lives are just too hard to fathom without it.
...Drugs? Yeah, they’re pretty crazy. I can’t stop fighting!



See you later... Hee! Heeee hee hee hee...



So if we ever wanted to go on another bad trip for some dumb reason, this drugged to shit YoRHa member is willing to deal at a reasonable price.



But pfft... You saw what happened. The drugs do give a random buff in exchange for other android senses going completely to shit for the 30 second duration. It’s hardly worth ever using... Who’d want to go through that mess again...?

...

......

..........





FOR SCIENCE!






Video: Episode 27 Drug Trip